Casting L.A.-based talent in an unpaid, unmade commercial. Synopsis: A man with extreme anger-management issues attempts to remain calm while driving home surrounded by typical freeway drivers. Characters being cast are:
Anti-Gravity Activist: Immediately hits the brakes whenever there’s any kind of a decline.
Basic Maneuver-heimer’s: Leaves the turn signal on indefinitely after changing lanes.
Brain-Damaged Linebacker: Blocks you from merging onto the freeway by not moving out of the far-right lane when your onramp ends.
Capital Punishment: Drives with no insurance and benefits from de facto immunity when causing accidents.
Clueless Kamikaze: Accelerates up the onramp in front of you to only 20 or 30 mph, putting you in a merging lane at that speed.
Crash-Test Dummy: Texts or watches TV on a phone while driving.
Dave “Anger Monkey” Buznick: Normally a very easygoing guy, quickly provoked to fiery rage fits when dealing with freeway drivers.
Final Destination: Drives with large items precariously tied loosely onto the vehicle’s roof or truck bed.
Firing Squad: Series of belly-dump trucks carrying gravel (that invariably slips through the doors, ricochets off the road and hits your car).
Fussball Team: Row of drivers going the same speed (usually a slow one) in every lane.
Grim Reaper: Highway patrol car, there to snatch up anyone but the driver you know deserves it.
Idiot’s Vendetta: Drives slowly in front of you, then speeds up and won’t let you pass when you try to go around.
Ignorant Arsonist: Throws a lighted cigarette out of the window into the dry brush.
Li’l Dictator: Tailgates drivers instead of going around them.
Oblivious Ninja: Sneaks into your blind spot right before you’re about to make a lane change (rather than reading the terrain and/or seeing your turn signal).
Peekaboo Roulette: Driver bent over looking for something, not anywhere close to looking at the road.
Physics 101 Dropout: Doesn’t increase the gas when going uphill.
Pigpen on Wheels: Vehicle emitting a thick cloud of exhaust (typically from after-market mods made to cars that have no business having a spoiler).
Pompous Diva: Doesn’t move over for faster drivers to let them pass.
Puzzling Riddler: Tailgates you, then falls behind, then tailgates you again, then falls behind again and repeats this sequence for miles and miles.
Quaalude Pride: Drives slowly in the fast lane.
Schoolyard Bully: Drives a large vehicle (usually a truck of some kind) and is very careless around drivers of comparably smaller vehicles.
Shameless Burglar: Chisels into the front of a long line of slow-and-go cars waiting to exit or change freeways.
Shock-Wave Party: Mass spontaneous slowing of all vehicles when a highway patrol car is spotted.
Slithering Sidewinder: Swerves halfway into and out of multiple lanes when traveling in an otherwise straight line.
Spritz Witch: Uses wiper fluid to clean the windshield while driving at full speed on the freeway, leaving a mess on the windshield of the car in back.
Strobe Light: Hits the brakes repeatedly for no discernible reason.